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🌱 Feel It, Then Choose 🌱
Hello Sproutly Families,
Have you ever heard your child say:
"I was mad, so I hit him."
"I was nervous, so I didn't go."
"She hurt my feelings, so I said something mean back."
Kids are still learning something that can be hard for adults too: just because we feel something doesn't mean we have to act on it.
Emotions are important. Anger might tell us something feels unfair. Worry might tell us something feels uncertain. Sadness might tell us we've lost something important. Jealousy might point toward something we wish we had.
Our feelings give us valuable information, but they don't have to give us instructions.
As marriage and family therapists, we want children to learn that they don't need to ignore, suppress, or get rid of their emotions. Instead, they can learn to pause long enough to listen to what a feeling is telling them and then decide what to do next.
That's emotional agility: I can feel this AND choose how I respond.
In this newsletter, you will get....
Parenting Tips
Photo by Any Lane on Pexels
Helping Kids Feel First, Then Choose
Start by Validating the Feeling
Before correcting the behavior, acknowledge what's happening underneath it. "You were really angry when your brother took your toy." When children feel understood, they're often more able to hear what comes next.
Separate Feelings From Behavior
One of the most helpful messages we can give kids is: All feelings are okay. All behaviors are not. "It's okay to feel angry. It's not okay to hit." We're not asking children to stop feeling. We're helping them learn what to do with the feeling.
Get Curious About the Message
Help your child wonder, "What is this feeling trying to tell me?" Anger might say, "Something feels unfair." Worry might say, "I don't know what's going to happen." Sadness might say, "I really cared about that." Understanding the message helps children decide what they actually need.
Create a Pause Before the Choice
Big emotions can make kids want to react immediately. Teach them a simple pause: one deep breath, count to five, get a drink of water, or put a hand over their heart. That tiny pause creates room for a different choice.
Ask, "What Do You Want to Do Next?"
Instead of always giving your child the solution, help them practice choosing. "You're frustrated. Do you want to ask for help, take a break, or try again?" Over time, they'll begin asking themselves that question.
Activity of the Week
Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels
Feel → Listen → Choose
Practice these three steps during everyday emotional moments:
1. FEEL IT
"What am I feeling?"
2. LISTEN TO IT
"What might this feeling be telling me?"
3. CHOOSE
"What can I do next that will help instead of hurt?"
For example:
Feeling: "I'm angry because my sister won't share."
Information: "I really want a turn and this feels unfair."
Choice: "I can ask for a turn, get an adult to help, or choose something else while I wait."
Try practicing with pretend situations when everyone is calm. It's much easier for children to learn the skill before they need it during a big emotional moment.
Why it works: Children begin to recognize that there's a space between what they feel and what they do. Learning to use that space is an important part of developing emotional regulation and self-control.
Try These Everyday Phrases
Instead of "Calm down," try:
"Your feeling is really big right now. Let's help your body slow down so you can decide what to do."
Instead of "Don't be mad," try:
"It's okay to be mad. What is your anger telling you?"
Instead of "There's nothing to worry about," try:
"Your worry is telling you something feels uncertain. Let's figure out what might help."
Instead of "Stop crying," try:
"You're really disappointed. I'm here while you feel it."
And when your child is ready:
"Now that we've listened to the feeling, what do you want to choose?"
Sproutly Resources
At Sproutly, we’re passionate about helping parents and children better understand their emotions. And giving families practical tools to manage big feelings with confidence. Click here to explore the products we’ve thoughtfully created to support your child’s emotional growth.
We don't want to raise children who never get angry, worried, jealous, disappointed, or sad. We want to raise children who can experience those emotions and think, "I know what I'm feeling. I can listen to what it's telling me. And I still get to choose what I do next." That's a skill that takes practice and plenty of imperfect moments along the way.
Our kids will still slam doors sometimes, say things they regret, and make choices when emotions are running high. That's okay. Those moments give us another opportunity to practice: feel it, listen to it, choose. Little by little, we're helping our children understand that their emotions deserve a voice but they don't have to be in charge.
Planting seeds of emotional confidence by helping kids listen to their feelings and choose what comes next,
Millie & Melissa
The Sproutly Team
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